Heroines---what exactly does strong mean?

Great post, Ila, and very timely.  My current WIP features a strong heroine who has had something of a tough time, and as a result she is very determined to make things go her way.     When she starts to take charge, I must remember to tell her that bossy does not necessarily equal pretty!

Best wishes, Carol

It is a fine line, I don't want a simpering miss, but I also don't want the woman to be so pushy - you can be independent without making other people less strong.  I think that is why I read, not write, don't have to worry crossing the line.

Cady

I agree with you all!

I believe strength comes from within....it is knowing who you are and what you want, and how to get it.

It doesnt doesnt mean you have to bulldoze over people or behave badly.  It means giving respect where it is due. And it means speaking up if you dont like something.

It means letting a man open doors for you and do all those "gentlemanly things".  Just because he does those things for you doesnt mean he thinks you are helpless.

And a true gentleman does more than just go through tose motions.  He respects your strength and independence.  It goes both ways.

I hate women (in real life, as well), who afraid to break a nail.  Who sit  there and look pretty, act helpless. Who sit and cry that they dont have a man in their life, or if they do have a man they complain that he treats her badly.

People (men and everyone else) treat you the way you let them treat you.  You need to set up the rules in the beginning.   You are not there to do laundry and fetch beer.  and they are not there to dump the trash and fix shelves.

However, I have been single for so long, I dont know what I would do if suddenly there was someone to open doors for me, or open the pickle jar.

This topic caught my eye, because of the flood of "kickass" heroines -- and you know, I sometimes get weary of kickass heroines, LOL. They all come from Eve Dallas and Buffy, I think, and while I love them both, the flood of kickass heroines who confuse physical strength with emotional strength does get a little much at times.

In my own writing, I have only written one heroine I would call "kickass" according to that model of heroine -- physically strong, abrasive, fights her own fights and doesn't need a man to do it for her, sexually aggressive but emotionally insecure, and that was Sarah Jessup in Friction, and readers and reviewers loved her (which I am grateful for, of course).

In the next book, I wrote a softer heroine, Charlotte in Flirtation, who was often seen as a "pushover" and who had to learn some boundaries on her own emotions, how much she gave to others, but to me she was much stronger than Sarah -- she had a strong emotional core. Sarah, like many "kickass" heroies was aggressive and strong because she had to be, because she was emotionally wounded and had learned to protect herself.

Charlotte also had a painful past, but in spite of that, she could love, she could remain positive in difficult circumstances, and she would risk for others. She was taken advantage of by her brother, but by the end of the book, she learns where to draw lines. I like that kind of strength, but it was clear that readers preferred Sarah, the kickass gal and they saw Charlotte as "weak." I didn't but there you go. :)

So, I don't know what to make of that. All of my other heroines since have been more of a mix, but I don't really like abrasive types, frankly, in men or women, but neither do I like passive, wimpy people. I no more want an obnoxious heroine than I want an obnoxious hero, btw - the whole obnoxious alpha thing for men can be just as annoying. Yet people love it.

Other than that, I don't know what else to say -- I guess we can only write the best character we can for a book, and see what happens...

Sam

Heroic, but is it strong? I think the heroines you describe in the historicals are just versions of the same kickass, in your face type... maybe it's that they work better in contemporary than in historical...?

Sam

Perfect. :) Maybe the "strong women" are usually making an arc toward being "women of strength" (and the same for our "strong men")

Sam 

Yes, I'm listening!  I'm a bit late but I found you!

 I love this discussion   - just a bit too much. I have a dreadline looming way too close and  if I hang around to read everything my editor will come after me with her whip.   But I just had to say - Jayne I love quote on strong women vs women of strength - and Sam I love your  comment on that and strong men too.

I just did an interview with a UK newspaper  - for the Mills & Boon centenary and she made some comment aboutn  the fact that  'a Mills & Boon' (they always use that description as if there is no difference at all between any of the lines/authors ) Anyway, she said that romances featured 'dominat men and passive women.' When I'd finished snarling I said that I'd never written a passive woman in my life and that there was a huge difference between 'passive' and the quiet strength that is sometimes needed to cope with what seems unbearable and is a way to get through the bad stuff until she can find a successful way of handling it.

 Like the quote says:

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

For me a heroine doesn;t have to be seen to be strong in the sense of 'dealing with things'  from the start  - she shows strength and intelligence in biding her time, waiting and watching and learning -  and judging when is the right moment to make a move or to take a different approach. After all, if the odds are currently heavily stacked against you then it's not wise  - or truly 'strong' to launch yourself into a fight you just can't win.

Funnily enough I was going to write about heroines - and  their strengths - on my blog  - tomorrow if I get time. So I'm going to sneak back in here and read this all through  later when my editor isn't  looking.

 Kate