Parents teach their children not to lie then ask questions like: Would you like to take out the garbage? Would you like to put on your snow boots and go get the paper? Would you like to clean up the dog poop in the yard?
How’s the kid/adult child supposed to answer? Most children don’t like to do chores, so if they answer yes, they’re lying. But if they don’t lie and say no, they’re lazy and/or uncooperative.
I think about this when my mother asks me to help her with a chore. It’s not that I don’t want to help her, it’s all in the phrasing. She’s been using this phrasing since I was small. Maybe she’s being polite by giving me a choice instead of an order.
I usually lie, and say yes. Chalk up another white lie for keeping the peace. Sometimes I say, “No, I wouldn’t like to do that, but I will to help you out.” Sometimes I just say ok.
LOL
I have to laugh... if I ask my husband would he like to.... he is going to invariably say, no, but that he will do whatever. So that phrasing is a running joke in our house.
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Hi Debbie
Glad to know it happens in other famlies, too.
I used to...
I used to get in so much trouble because I would say no, I didn't want to do it. My mother would get furious and yell at me. Sadly, I didn't learn and neither did she. Thats Mama though.
Laughter is an instant vacation- Milton Berle
Lying
Hmmmm.....
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What fun blog. My parents
What fun blog. My parents were like that and I always would say no. Now I do that with my dh at times and it is harder to even get my parents to ask for help. When I was a kid, there was this whole coded polite Southern way fo being that I fought against. I never said Yes Sir or yes Ma'am. I wasn't disprespectful ---quite the contrary---- but I refused to give into those conventions. Now, I still don't like those words but I am on the other sides wishing for a bit more politeness in today's society.
AKA Merri
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It was a rhetorical in my family!
Hi ChrissieSue
In my family those were rhetorical questions. No answer was expected. Management books advise this is how to direct people. Don’t order them, ask them; but it is still an order.
In the military when the Sergeant tells the private, “would you please take this package to the Major’s office”, that is not a “yes or no” question. That’s just a polite Sergeant.
These questions never bothered me as a child. It was my grandmother who perfected the art and drove me nuts. She would say, “You’re going by the market aren’t you?” This was a direct order to buy her something. This annoyed me because it is what sales people call “assuming consent” and it is high pressure.
Thanks,
Vince
:
“Romances are the emotional vitamins of the soul.” Vince
Mom's an optimist
My mother always said it with optimistic hope in her voice. I guess she expected me to say, Yes, I'd love to. See my new "photo" to see what she was dealing with. And she's still an optimist.
Those are questions like "Are you reading that paper you're
sitting on?"
My mother's favourite was "while you're on your feet, can you ...?"
She only ever used it when I was sitting down reading a book
My habit is to ask someone politely to do something, not question them as to whether they'd enjoy doing it - sure we'd all like to spend all our time enjoying ourselves and lazing around but then there would be no meals, no clean dishes to eat off, no clean clothes to wear ...
Everyone has chores, mine are groceries, cooking and laundry,
DH takes care of tidying the main room and setting the table, the
brother clears the table after the meal and also does dishes and his
own laundry.
The boys tidy their own room and toys and the like in the main room
Why should I do everything when I don't create all the mess?
Why should I want to? I too have loads of other things (like reading books) I prefer to doing chores
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I was never asked....
I was always told...
Because like most kids, I would listen to the tone, or the actual question. If my mom had said said "would you like to dump the trash", of course I would have said no. then I would have been in big trouble.
She didnt usually give orders like "dump the trash"...it was usally, "please dump the trash".
We had our share of chores, and it was usually just cleaning our rooms on Saturday mornings, and washing dishes after dinner.
As we got older, and my mom went back to school and/or work, we got more responsability, like actually cooking dinner (me because I was the girl) and mowing the lawn (my brother, because boys had to do the hard stuff).
My dads job was to bring home the bacon and to pay the bills. Then sit in front of the tv till dinner was ready...pick up his feet for the vacuum, or the more manly fixing the car.
Terri
Got Books?
Sadhbh,
That reminds me of a family joke in our family. When my brother and I were preteens, one night at dinner mom said to my brother, "Stand up Jackie." So he stood up. Then she said, "While you're up will you go get the butter?" All she had to say after that was, "While you're up…" It was all in good fun.
Jackie and Chrissie had to do the dishes everynight. That is until JACK started Junior High School, then Chrissie was left to do it alone while he studied. He went on to get a PhD. I'm still doing dishes. But I have to say, when he comes to visit, he gets up after dinnner and starts doing the dishes, so I can't complain.
LOL...
My dad always jokes that when I come home, my mother loses the use of her legs.
Its always Vikki will you get this for me?. Vikki, will you get that for me?
She doesn't ask my brother to do anything when he comes to visit.
My mother is a very lucky woman. My father does housework voluntarily. He still does a lot of the cooking. Mostly because when he and mom first got married, she didn't know how to cook. He cooked to avoid starvation. He does the dishes and the laundry and he'll vacuum.
My grandmother said that his father used to do similar stuff so there's a lot to be said for having a positive male role model around young boys.
Laughter is an instant vacation- Milton Berle
Your dad
sound like my DH. He's wonderful. (PS: I know how to cook, but I don't like cooking except for holiday special meals and company.)
"Perhaps what the average member of a group is capable of doesn't limit what a given individual can accomplish." -- Boston Globe, letter to the editor
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I worked with a girl who met
I worked with a girl who met a Marine. We have a winter warfare base in the mountains south of here. Her Marine taught winter survival. And when he'd come to town to visit her, he'd clean and vacuum her apartment and do her laundry until she got home from work. Of course, she snagged him! Now she's living the Marine-wife thing with two miniature Marines to keep her company when her MAN is on assignment.