Looking at a long weekend; changing reading; hoping things improve....

     A couple of weeks ago I headed to the doctor's office because I realized that my depression was acting up again... not that it happened suddenly mind.  It's been a gradual progression ~ as usual ~ going back, I think, if not months, then maybe a year or so?
     A lot of times my depression doesn't make me "sad" the way that depression is often depicted or to be understood to be, it slowly sucks the life out of my life.  My days are lived from bit-to-bit from behind a shield that keeps me from really feeling ~ much of anything really ~ except tirededness, no energy, lack of focus... UGH!  This is the type of depression that I've lived with now for going on 40 years... 20 years or more of it living with it undiagnosed.  Most times I'm fine, but when things start to go wrong I'm usually the last to notice.  It's not until I realize that I've pulled back from anything, and everything, outside my immediate family and my day-to-day that I notice anything's wrong. 
     You know the saying "I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired"?... well, for me that's my life with depression.  I've been to see the doctor and we're working on it, but it never changes immediately ~ for good or worse (well, it could get worse really fast if something catastrophic were to occur), but by and large falling into depression, or getting relief from it, takes time.  Not as though I don't have time... 'cause I don't have a lot else.  All my energy goes into going through my day, and when I've got stuff that has to get done ~ say, looking after a couple of little kids ~ well, suffice it to say that pretty much all my energy goes into that, leaving me drained, exhausted and having difficulty even reading... too much concentration or focus needed you see.  That's why I turn to television; I sure don't have to do much of anything sitting in front of it... and right now, that's about all I can handle.

     So, now that I've complained and gone on and on, just let me say that this'll be it.  This is where I'm at, this is what's going on.  I can relate to my husband and my two daughters that live at home.  I can dredge up enough energy to do my work, but anything else is pretty difficult.  So if you don't see me around, that's why.  I'm still reading and when it's a book or an author that I love, I have very little trouble getting lost in the book ~ that may be good or not, I haven't yet figured that out.  So I've gone through my TBR and I'm going to be reading a couple of books that I got from my dh for Christmas, both by fairly long-time favourite authors ~ Robert Ludlum and Nelson deMille.  We'll see if I can't get something a little more energetic kick-started.  Right now, though, I'm reading the anthology Shifter the first two stories of which I devoured ~ Angela Knight and Lora Leigh can do it for me nearly every single time.  The next two stories?  Well, right now I'm stuck on Alyssa Day's offering:  I'm having a very difficult time being able to sit and read it, so I may just move on to the last one.  If that doesn't work either, I'm heading right to the two other books.  Not too much emotion, but lots of action and adventure... those work for me.

But I can promise that, in a while, I'll be back... you may wish that I wasn't ~ 'cause I really can go on and on about just about ANYTHING ~ but we'll deal with that later. 

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kalyko ~ Reading: One of life's little joys and a much needed reward!