Agape . . . amour . . . amore . . . amor . . . liebe . . . John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son ....
Whether spoken in a language other than your own, written in scripture, or waxed eloquently in poems or romance novels - to live, is to LOVE.
When asked to participate in Blog Bash II my first impulse to write about my deep abiding love for others, because we've been programmed to say we love our parents, siblings, husband, partners, children and grandchildren. But, I question how many of us feel comfortable enough to admit to also loving ourselves. Is it arrogance or narcissism, or is it self-preservation? I've asked myself over the years if it is possible for me to love someone if I'm incapable of loving myself, and the answer is always no. My personal commandment is: LOVE THYSELF.
I can remember falling in love for the first time. It was after I'd regained my senses that I realized it was only infatuation. I'd told myself I loved him so much that I had to talk to him everyday, had to be with him several times a week despite living thirty miles apart, and that I wouldn't be able to exist without him. Not only did I learn to live without him but that our breakup permitted me to look inwardly, to assess what I wanted from a normal relationship, and that it was unhealthy to love him more than I loved myself. Fortunately self-preservation kicked in before I found myself emotionally scarred for life.
We ran into each other years later - both of us were married - and he admitted that he'd matured enough to become a much better husband than he'd been a boyfriend. We shared drinks, laughed and talked about what could've been and then parted as friends.
As women we talk about not having enough "me time" or hours in the day to see to our own emotional wellbeing. This is where loving one's self comes into play. Years ago I made up wish and to do lists with projected dates for completion. The wish list is revised and/or updated every ten years and to do every two years. The wish list is comprised of long-range projects - i.e., - purchase a vacation residence, write and complete x-number of novels. The to do list is for short-term plans - i.e.,- visit the Panama Canal, get a new hairstyle for a publicity photo, lose ten pounds, purchase a new wardrobe as a reward and spend a week at a luxury full-service spa - alone. I say alone because remember it is your "me time."
Call the family when you arrive, then turn off the cell phone. Relax, detoxify, meditate and read without hubby asking what's for dinner, your children asking if you can baby-sit the grandchildren this weekend or your furry, four-legged family members staring forlornly at you because they know that you feed them. You'll return home feeling wonderful, more in love with yourself and with enough of a reserve to willingly share with those would are your loved ones.
I've been asked why I write romance novels, and my answer is that I am in love with life. It is the same love one has for their God, family, country and the human race. How many times have you watched a news program and you found yourself crying because you empathize with a stranger's grief? This was apparent for me during 9/11, the shooting at Columbine, Virginia Tech and the devastation and loss of life and property after Hurricane Katrina. We cry because we are human with human emotions.
Writing romance is similar to an artist painting a picture, but instead of acrylic or oils I use words to create characters with human emotions who love, laugh, cry and are able to feel someone else's pain. I want readers to see, smell, touch, taste and hear what's going on in the characters' fictional world, believe they love themselves enough to offer it to one worthy of the gift, and in return have it reciprocated.
I would hope readers will identify with the protagonists as they feel the heat from a rising sun on their exposed skin, smell the scent exclusive to a newborn, savor the texture of caviar on the palate and smile when the hero and heroine fall asleep, limbs entwined after they've shared their love and passion with each other.
They are alive and in love, and that makes them inseparable and inexorably entwined for self-preservation.
About Rochelle Alers:
Rochelle Alers has been hailed by readers and booksellers alike as one of today's most popular African-American authors of women's fiction. With nearly two million copies of her novels in print, Ms. Alers is a regular on the Waldenbooks, Borders and Essence bestseller lists, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, including the Gold Pen Award, the Emma Award, Vivian Stephens Award for Excellence in Romance Writing, the Romantic Times Career Achievement Award and the Zora Neale Hurston Literary Award. A native New Yorker, Ms. Alers currently lives on Long Island.
