Where does one turn when they don't know where to turn? (Please note, prayer to God is where I turn first.)
I am finishing my first year as a public school teacher in our local middle school. I have 2 kids in elementary. My ds, the eldest, has never had a "perfect" track record at school. He is ALWAYS in trouble for diarrhea of the mouth. I can handle that.
For the past three weeks, however, he has been in trouble for using inappropriate language (TWICE), diarrhea of the mouth, inappropriate behavior in halls during state testing, and TODAY on a FIELD TRIP to our state capitol for slapping a friend the whole drive there.
DH and I have been supporing ds's teacher the whole way. We have reinforced discipline at home. Taken away priviledges. Had countless discussions on school behavior. AND I don't know what else to do!!!
We attend church a minimum of 3 times per week. DS was saved and baptized two summers ago after VBS. The inappropriate language he's been using is NOT something he has learned or been exposed to at home.
The teacher in me backs the school. BUT the teacher in me also wonders how these offences "rate" with others in the building. DS's story this time, over today's field trip, is no where close to consistent with the teacher's version. DS may screw up, but he always comes clean when confronted. His story of how his friend got hit is no where close to him slapping his friend. While his behavior should have been stopped, it is a FAR cry from slapping (which indicated intentionally hitting another person).
DH talked to the elementary principal Monday about DS. He told her that whatever the policy said we would support (which we will), and that DS should NOT receive any more "teachers-kid" cards.
When do I get to stop being a teacher and be a mom? If ds gets disciplined at school tomorrow (he is in a serious punishment position now), I don't know if I can make it worse at home. I'm not sure I agree this time. I DEFINAtELY am running out of ideas on correcting ds' behavior.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Cat
Let us run with ENDURANCE the race that is set before us; looking only unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Hebrews 12:1a-2b
Maybe he is acting out
Maybe he is acting out exactly because you are a teacher at his school and he needs to show that he is not a momma's boy.
"Perhaps what the average member of a group is capable of doesn't limit what a given individual can accomplish." -- Boston Globe, letter to the editor
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I was...
a teacher's kid along with another select group of us "lucky" ones and I know that sometimes there was pressure to act out since we were teacher's kids.
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Not speaking as a teacher, but as a teacher's kid
who never had Mom in the same school. The school needs to make the distinction between you the teacher of children you teach, and you the parent of your kids. They need to be sure they're not applying more stringent rules to you than to other parents.
Your DS might be playing up more than other kids because you're a teacher, but that is for you the parent to discuss with him. It might not have anything to do with you being a teacher, as I'm sure you know there are times when they just decide to push the limits. You can pray for patience to get through it, or you can tear your hair out or find some other solution, but children push limits when it suits them, not when it suits you. Some of their teachers will have shorter fuses than others and you the parent may not always agree with the punishments, but there again you can warn your DS that you're not in a position to change an authority decision and that the best way to avoid the problem is not to create it in the first place
I can sympathise because I have a DS who's always going to push the limits, he's been doing it since birth. He's charming and adorable and infuriating and hates it when I don't give in, but he's going to end up bigger than me, so if I give in now, I won't have a hope in ten years' time. I remind him (and myself) that I pay the bills so I get to make the decisions, when he's the one paying his own way he can make different decisions, I won't have to like them or agree with them, but while I'm financing him, he has to obey lawful rules, and that I decide what's "reasonable", he doesn't
Good luck!
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....to find out that I'm a - oh, do I dare admit it? - one of those little PK's. Yes, I'm letting the cat out of the bag! My father is a minister. How did I manage to stray soooo far? Just kidding. Anyway, on the serious side, I'm figuring with your track record for church attendance and with you being a teacher also, that your son just might be rebelling slightly. I agree with both Fake Frenchie and sadhbh - he may be acting out, or proving his individuality with his friends and classmates. The school years are so hard for kids, and with the added pressures that are being added in today's modern society - increase of drugs and in sexual content in the media (fellow romance writers this has nothing to do with us LOL). I think if you put it into a wider perspective, you'll have to agree that roughhousing around with his friends occasionally, which is something teens do regularly whether their parents know it or not, is not an overly big issue. Before you fret too much, wait for the big stuff! In fact, I hope you don't have to worry about the big stuff at all. There are a lot of really GREAT kids out there who are too often overlooked because of the antics of the wild ones, as I'm sure you're well aware of since you're a teacher. I admire you, by the way. I volunteer in my daughter's classroom sometimes, and see firsthand how much work goes into being a teacher.
It sounds like you are a very concerned and loving parent. My advice is to stand by, gauge whether your son is crossing too many borders, and act according to your instinct. However please don't be TOO hard on him. My father, bless his heart, is very HARDNOSED and was very severe on me as I grew up (no secular music whatsoever, and no TV was allowed, which, of course, I now indulge in).
FWIW, although occasionally a firmer hand is needed, I think that in most cases LOVE, that awesomely perfect substance, is what works best for correction and guidance. It's what I try to give to my own daughter every single day.
I'm another TB (teacher's
I'm another TB (teacher's brat). It can be very hard to attend school in the same district that employees your parent. There will be some teachers that cut too much slack and there will be others that find imagined problems and come down hard. Combine that with a kiddo who might be rebelling and it can be come incendiary. My parents believed very strongly in backing up everthing the school did and occassionally that meant a double whammy on a kid (me) that wasn't in the wrong--this time.
Bottom line? Parenting is not easy at the best of times.
Nancy
sheandeen@gmail.com