A Walk in the Park

I agree, Holly.  As they age, the bonding comes at some odd moments.  My DD has always been very dependent on me.  She'd tell you differently, I'm sure, but at 19, she'll still ask me for a sandwich or whether I'd wash a pair of jeans for her, etc.  It's not all (or even mostly) her fault.  I could have insisted she do some of these things for herself, but since she's my only, I've been reluctant to give her those little pushes from the nest that can give her her wings.  (I'm sniffling over the thought of it even as I write this.  What a crybaby!  )  So, I've been content to let her make the first moves, and, at 19, she is testing the waters a bit.

She's so busy with her BF and enjoying her summer break that she is rarely home anymore, so our conversations are mostly snippets and messages left on the white board on our fridge.  However, on the last day of a weeklong vacation in Louisiana with the BF and his family the week before last, she fell on some rocks on Grand Isle and burst her wrist open.  (Talk about anxiety!  I hated her being so far away and being hurt!)  Anyway, oddly enough, getting her stitches out yesterday was a bonding moment.  She actively wanted me to be there, and at that first snip, she gripped my hand tightly.  It was such a small thing, but it let me know that she still needs me, even though she's working on some level of independence.

Interestingly, walking the dog has created some special bonding moments for me and DH, too.  I've long meant to walk the dog regularly, but I just didn't until she started showing some signs of age catching up to her.  That scared me, so we started walking every afternoon to meet DH at the bus stop after work.  Not only has it done her a world of good (and me, too, I hope, though I haven't seen a whole lot of tangible results yet), but it's kind of a sweet moment for DH and me.  He enjoys it, we chitchat about his day, and it keeps him from walking home alone.  I used to pick him up in the car, but the walk is nicer (not to mention healthier and better for the environment)!

Just popping in to say "Hi, Holly".

I have to agree with about the walking makes you talk more. I know when I'm walking I tend to talk a lot more. When my mom and I go shopping we talk non stop, but at home I keep to myself a lot.

I love those moments that I can focus on just one of my girls and we get into those talks that start out seemingly inconsequential but they turn out to be so important. We live out in the middle of nowhere, so often it happens when I have only one of the my three in the car with me.

It IS tough to choke back those pearls of wisdom sometimes.  My DD was telling me that her BF and his father had a few moments during the vacation where BF would say, "Stop telling me what to do!  I don't live in your house, anymore, and I support myself."  (I know at least one of these moments stemmed from dad's admonition to be sure to be in church on Sunday morning.  Actually, BF had planned to go, but the parental edict rankled.)  As I told my DD, just as it's hard to have to do everything for yourself after having had someone pay for anything you want or need and do everything for you, it's equally hard to stop trying to guide your kids.  It takes time to find the right balance once children become adults -- on both sides of the equation.  After all, your children are always going to be your children, whether grown or not, and a parent is always going to be interested and want the very best outcomes for his or her kids.  You always want to help your kids avoid the pitfalls that you encountered, but sometimes that's just not possible. 

Some aspects of the parent-child relationship everyone wants to stay the same, so you just have to feel your way to find the aspects that need to change and ease into new roles.  The important thing in my mind is for both sides to understand that this is new for both of you and to not make a federal case over those times when we slip.

so true:

<< It takes time to find the right balance once children become adults -- on both sides of the equation. >> 

Sometimes when I slip, DD would remind me very nicely that she's an adult (she used to grunt then stop telling me things).  I'd explain to her that it's hard for me to just listen as a 'friend' with no comments & stop being a 'mother'; & I told her I knew how she felt when her grandma (my mil) did that to me.  We have much better understanding nowadays; that I treat her as an adult & she knows that in my heart she's always my baby.

Yes, Holly, I just love these 'walk in the park' talks..