Mother guilt...

Why is being a parent so hard????

Because love is tough -- you have to make the hard calls that you make, for their own good as well as yours -- this wasn't life or death, and no good is served for either of you if you had done it. (Believe me, I've been there, and it's not easy, I know, making the hard calls).

The hardest part of parenting is letting go and teaching them they can stand on their own, and should. I had a friend once who taught Native American Studies, and she firmly believed when her boys were older (first year in college) that they should take their journey -- when he goes out into the wild on his own to survive and know that he can, and he becomes a man, not a child. They are a Brave for a reason I guess. ;)

So, for her son's first summer home from college, she told him, no, not home -- and no finanical support. You can figure it out. He protested, and he railed, but he DID figure it out, and he was better for it. Sure, she suffered, and she had to hold her dh back from sending him money, but they all benefitted in the end. Lots of laughs and good stories and lessons came out of it. He ending up staying with a friend and working a job where they provided meals. He did just fine.

You taught your son several good lessons here and if he protests, I'd say remind him how proud you are that he stuck it out and saw it through. It's also better for him to learn when he's asking something reasonable and when he's not, and that other people (even his mother) have lives and responsibilities too, and that he can stand on his own. If it had been life or death, of course you'd go -- but this wasn't.

I think the hardest thing is keeping it all in perspective, and you did fine, and you know, be nice to yourself! (And don't let him see you sweat! LOL Stick to your guns, another hard part...). You did the mowing because you got stuck on your book, that's all... *G*

Sam

put it more eloquently than I ever could. Good advice for me as well since I think the cord is still connected to my 8 yr old!

Angel

Mother Guilt... what mother can resist reading a blog entry with that title?

I feel for you, but I would have made the same decision you did. I believe our children need to learn that they can cope and get past pain, hurt, disappointment. As 'lessons' go this one may have been tougher on you then on your ds.

It was nice reading your update--that your ds was doing ok.

All's well that ends well - as the saying goes.  Sounds like he's feeling better and actually starting to enjoy his trip (not wanting to break away from his game is a good sign).  I'm glad that your worries have been eased.  Chalk this up as another parenting victory! 

I can understand the guilt, but I'd guess the deadline is part of what pays for his extras, so that has to be calculated in

DH is the over-protective parent in our family, so I have to put my foot down and I agree it's not easy, (but I gave away the guilt when they were born - just to make my life easier ), but at fourteen he wants you to begin to treat him like an adult, accepting that you're no longer at his beck and call is part of that!

I fully understand parents not wanting their children to have to struggle, but on the other hand, if everything is handed to them on a plate some children become selfish brats that nobody wants around, and why shouldn't you be entitled to some of the benefits from your labours?

So when he starts earning, and proudly invites you to dinner and insists on paying, make sure you let him, because it's a great feeling to be able to say "I'll get this", even if you've had to save up for several months for one dinner out

Hugs

Sadhbh