YOU: A Tale of Love and Ankles

You asked me out. I almost said no. My friend reminded me dinner and a movie. I changed my mind, said yes.
You drove though an ice storm to make that date.
And we laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
I think, somewhere, I fell in love that night. I just didn't know it.
The
next week you introduced me to Monty Python. And watched Julia Roberts
movies with me. And told me the grass grew backwards, and I believed
you because, after all, you WERE in the lawn business. And all these
years later, you still tease me about that. And all these years later,
I still love Monty Python. And you still hate Julia Roberts, but I
didn't know that then.
A few months later while I sat on the phone
crying and listening as someone screamed at me on the other line, you
whispered, "hang up the phone, Babe. Just hang up." But I couldn't do
it because I never had. And after a minute of that, you gently pulled
the phone from my hand and quietly told the person on the line
"goodbye," hung up and held me while I cried some more. And when my
tears were dry, you taught me about power and how with some people the
only answer is to hang up the phone because to listen is to let them
control the situation. It's a lesson I've never forgotten, and one I've
shared with others again and again.
Four and a half weeks ago, you
agonized while I was stuck in the hospital in Italy and you were stuck
here and insurance kept changing their minds about whether they'd let
me come home or not, but finally decided no, I had to stay there for
the surgery because the plane ride could kill me. And then you made me
laugh, even though you were thousands of miles away, and I desperately,
desperately needed to laugh.
Then I came home, and for the last
three weeks, I've put the "in sickness" part of our vows to the test.
And for the past three weeks, I've fallen a little bit more in love
with you, every day, as you've helped me put all this in perspective.
As we always say, "Hey, it could be worse. You could be that priest who
fell under the riding lawn mower and died, or that tourist in South
Africa who got eaten by the Great White and all that was left was her
little red swimming cap, or, and really, this is the big one: none of
it matters. Iran is on the fast track to nuclear weapons."
Run
away, run away. It's just a flesh wound. Knights that say NI...We're
knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. She turned me
into a newt. And me. And me too. And me! I'm not dead. Well, can you
hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. Didn't mean to?
You put your sword right through his head. I seek the Grail! I have
seen it, here in this castle! You're foolin' yourself! We're living in
a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working
class...Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a
killer! I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*,
didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it? Look, if
he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'Aaaauuuggghhhh'. He'd
just say it.